Day 7
Well, the new girl came back for her first class, and I've got the jealous sister feeling. But it will pass. I'm working on it right now. I noticed today, in class, that I felt a bit more on edge. For the past 6 classes I've felt relaxed and in the present, which is exactly where I want to be and follows closely with East Asian philosophy. Now I feel my mind wandering over to the new girl to see how she's doing. I felt more ridgid in my form and was less focused on my warm-up exercises. This will pass. I just need to adjust to the idea that I'm not the least experienced and a bit more should be expected of me to set an example. I will focus on being open and in the moment.
While practicing my "one steps" today, I worked with different partners. I had previosly been working with a female student, who is the only red belt that comes to class regularly. I noticed though that when working with male partners I felt less inhibited. I really think this is a place where the Frailty Myth is grabbing hold of me. I'm holding back when I work with the female student. I also tend to appologize if I feel I've hurt her and act concerned when I think she's been hurt. You'd think since I'm working with all this Frailty Myth stuff, this would be the least likely thing to happen. I thought I was the one rooting for women to be stronger and to be able to face the pain, and yet I am instinctively sheltering the female from pain and holding myself back from practicing properly. I wonder if she feels the same way. Maybe I should ask her. I'll do that next class. But before I leave this subject, at one point, while working with the male partner, Master Miller stressed to him that he needs to do his ki yup (spirit yells) because he is setting the example for me. The more he yells the more I will yell. So, perhaps the reason I am being timid in regards to the female partner is because she is being timid towards me (which I believe is the case, although it could be the other way around), which regenerates this timid air. If this is so, then this is a perfect example of how the Frailty Myth is reinforced, practiced, and spread on a daily basis and is still very much alive. However, this also shows that the Frailty Myth can exist in certain situations and dissolve in others with regards to physical activities. In other words, I reinforce the Frailty Myth when working with other females, but dissolve it when working with males. Very, very interesting. Well, at least for me!
Alright, and one other thing before I head off this evening. I would like to discuss how I feel in regrads to my mother's opinion of my martial art endevors. First of all, although she is not exactly enthusiastic about me doing Tang Soo Do, she does not disapprove. In fact, when I thought I was having some financial difficulties and didn't think I'd be able to fork up the money for competition and testing, she was willing to help me out. Secondly, while I speak often of her un-enthusiatic responses to the subject matter, I am not, as far as I can tell, affected by her slight pessimism. In fact, they usually fuel me to prove her wrong. I show her reaction more so to display how the Frailty Myth is, by chance, apart of her. And just so she know, while I was watching a snipit of Oprah with her today (it was an episode on health) she flat out refused to exercise. I've been pushing her for the past couple of years now and she just won't do it. She really needs to. Her health is dwindling. She only in her mid 50's and she acts like she's sixty something. You should see the amount of pills she takes in the morining. Anyway, I say this only to show you how inactive and foreign this idea of participating in Tang Soo Do must be to her, and is probably the reason she is disinterested in the subject. She has no way to relate, as she could never imagine herself doing it. In fact, I think she kinda wants to be more physically active, but feels she just can't do it. She complains that she's just too tired. I think she may be jealous that I'm able to do all these things and be healthy and stay slim. So, now you can see why she reacts the way she does. I, on the other hand, know that she perpetuates the frailty myth within her, so I don't let her comments effect me.
The gym is going well. I'm now sturdy enough to do three sets of everything. I can feel my triceps getting firmer and larger, as well as my legs. Arms are no longer sore after work outs. Hamstrings still get a little sore, but heal quickly. Might need to up the weights. We'll see. Goodnight.
While practicing my "one steps" today, I worked with different partners. I had previosly been working with a female student, who is the only red belt that comes to class regularly. I noticed though that when working with male partners I felt less inhibited. I really think this is a place where the Frailty Myth is grabbing hold of me. I'm holding back when I work with the female student. I also tend to appologize if I feel I've hurt her and act concerned when I think she's been hurt. You'd think since I'm working with all this Frailty Myth stuff, this would be the least likely thing to happen. I thought I was the one rooting for women to be stronger and to be able to face the pain, and yet I am instinctively sheltering the female from pain and holding myself back from practicing properly. I wonder if she feels the same way. Maybe I should ask her. I'll do that next class. But before I leave this subject, at one point, while working with the male partner, Master Miller stressed to him that he needs to do his ki yup (spirit yells) because he is setting the example for me. The more he yells the more I will yell. So, perhaps the reason I am being timid in regards to the female partner is because she is being timid towards me (which I believe is the case, although it could be the other way around), which regenerates this timid air. If this is so, then this is a perfect example of how the Frailty Myth is reinforced, practiced, and spread on a daily basis and is still very much alive. However, this also shows that the Frailty Myth can exist in certain situations and dissolve in others with regards to physical activities. In other words, I reinforce the Frailty Myth when working with other females, but dissolve it when working with males. Very, very interesting. Well, at least for me!
Alright, and one other thing before I head off this evening. I would like to discuss how I feel in regrads to my mother's opinion of my martial art endevors. First of all, although she is not exactly enthusiastic about me doing Tang Soo Do, she does not disapprove. In fact, when I thought I was having some financial difficulties and didn't think I'd be able to fork up the money for competition and testing, she was willing to help me out. Secondly, while I speak often of her un-enthusiatic responses to the subject matter, I am not, as far as I can tell, affected by her slight pessimism. In fact, they usually fuel me to prove her wrong. I show her reaction more so to display how the Frailty Myth is, by chance, apart of her. And just so she know, while I was watching a snipit of Oprah with her today (it was an episode on health) she flat out refused to exercise. I've been pushing her for the past couple of years now and she just won't do it. She really needs to. Her health is dwindling. She only in her mid 50's and she acts like she's sixty something. You should see the amount of pills she takes in the morining. Anyway, I say this only to show you how inactive and foreign this idea of participating in Tang Soo Do must be to her, and is probably the reason she is disinterested in the subject. She has no way to relate, as she could never imagine herself doing it. In fact, I think she kinda wants to be more physically active, but feels she just can't do it. She complains that she's just too tired. I think she may be jealous that I'm able to do all these things and be healthy and stay slim. So, now you can see why she reacts the way she does. I, on the other hand, know that she perpetuates the frailty myth within her, so I don't let her comments effect me.
The gym is going well. I'm now sturdy enough to do three sets of everything. I can feel my triceps getting firmer and larger, as well as my legs. Arms are no longer sore after work outs. Hamstrings still get a little sore, but heal quickly. Might need to up the weights. We'll see. Goodnight.
posted by Karen Jarboe at 10:55 PM
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