Day 6

Hum, I got on here a little late this evening. I was budgeting my money for the next month. I have alot of new expenses in January. College tuition was upped, I have a new and more expensive gym memebership, I have monthly dues for Tang Soo Do, and now I have to put up $75 for testing and the competition. I also have to buy books for next semester. Luckily I already have one of the books!! So, it looks like I will be competing in January as a yellowbelt, hopefully.

My gym training is going relatively well. I noticed a shift in my cardio levels yesterday and today. I did legs yesterday, which might have effected my running ability. My legs were tired and I think it took more oxygen to move them. The same this morning on my jog. I was struggling a little more than usual. This is my second time on my own doing legs and my hamstrings are still sore. But nothing else appears to be. As for arms, I think my triceps are getting bigger!! They are always the first thing I see improvement in. I think my legs may be getting slightly bigger, not positive on that one. Although, that's usually what shapes up next.

Today's class went pretty well. I had to perform the Kee Cho Hyung Il Bo for the class. Everyone told me I'm doing very well. I learned the proper sparing stance, which places my weight over my back leg, but with my hips straight. I'll need practice getting into that position. I learned a new self defense move too. I believe it's called the same side hand grab. Where I pull the persons hand/arm towards me and then I push them away. Of course words don't quite explain what I mean.... Class exercises were a little tougher today. I think it was partially because I drank a latte before class. Caffeine makes me shaky and I knew this before I drank it this afternoon, but my mom made me make her a latte because she had a headache, so I had one too since I had all the crap out to make it. Won't do that again!! Had to struggle a bit more, and I couldn't relax as easily. Anway, that was about it for class today. Nothing else really stands out. I just need to keep practicing mentally and physically for the test.

What's suprising is how fast I'll have the opportunity to rank. The paper says that 10th gup (white belts) usually spend one to three months training. That puts me in the least amount of time it takes to rank. Surprising to me!! I hate to make comparisons, but it took my boyfriend longer to rank. I am also unaware of the requirements to rank for his Dojang. Actually, I think he had to do a few more moves. I asked him, but he keeps telling me it was too long ago. Anway, I think my self-defense teacher from College is going to come to the competition. I know I haven't spoken very well of my self-defense class, but I have realized where it has helped me and she's into martial arts herself. Some of her forms are influenced by Tang Soo Do. I'm excited to have her there. She's very supportive of my thesis.

A new girl, about my age, observed class today. She says she wants to join. One thing master Miller has been telling me throughout is that he has alot of inquiries, but very little follow through. She seemed genuinely interested, but we shall see. I realized after class that I wasn't thrilled about having a new person join. It's almost like the little sister effect, where the older sibbling is jealous and worried she will get all the attention. I was also worried that this would enduce my competitive spirit. Although many people think a competitive spirit is good, I think it can be really distracting. For instance, when I'm in this mode of thought my attention is directed at competing rather than the activity I am doing; thus, compromising my ability. I've realized this with guitar, and I'm pretty sure it will effect me in this area as well. So, for my new years resolution I haved vowed to be open in all areas of my life and to lose the competitive spirit (for the most part. Sometimes I think it's good, like when doing cardio, or weight lifting). In other words, I'm going to try not to set myself in opposition with others. Doing this usually casuses unnecessary conflict. This is a very East Asian strand of thought that I believe is very applicable to the martial arts and to life in general.

Well, I am going to stop here. I'm getting tired and I still have to do yoga!! Hopefully I won't fall asleep in the middle of it!!

Day 5

Today master Miller informed me that the next testing day will be at the end of January and that he expects me to test for my yellowbelt then. He also said that he wants me to compete in the next competition, which is at the beginning of Febuary (I'd only be doing forms, no sparring). This all seems sudden, but I realized I already know the majority of what I'll be tested on. I just need to make these things more fluid. My boyfriend thinks this is really soon. I think it took him a couple months before he became a yellowbelt. But that could simply be because they only hold testing days every once in a while, or it could be because I'm progessing well. I'm not going to let myself think that though. If there's one thing I've learned from 10 years of playing guitar it's that the day you think you're good is the day you should quit playing, because you'll never get any better.

Master Miller taught me the rest of the Kee Cho Hyung Il Boo (the first form) and the side kick. So, I know the complete form and all the kicks I need for the test. He also taught me the second "One Step, " which is a defensive movement that also completes all the "one steps" I need for the test. While learning the side kick master Miller, strangely, was very impressed with how naturally the kick came to me. Later, when we were practicing kicks with a partner, Susan also asked if I'd ever done it before and commented on how natural it came to me. This is all very interesting. I'm not exactly sure why it comes so naturally to me. But it's not only this kick that people keep commenting on. Master Miller feels I'm progessing well with my first form as well. I'm not sure how to take this. Is master Miller comparing me to begginers in general. Is he comparing me to other females or other males? I'm not sure. But if I were to guess, he's comparing me to beginners in general. So, why are these things coming so naturally to me if I've never had training in this before? There has to be something in my past experiences which has prepared me for this. The self defense class that I took didn't teach me these kicks, but I suppose I learned a few things. But now that I remember, I picked those moves up quickly too. I'm thinking a large part of it has to do with my ability to imitate others easily. I have that knack with guitar. I used to observe guitarist on T.V. before I played to see how they held their hands and to understand the physics of the guitar. I think that really helped me. I think dance may have helped as well. We had to memorize a series of movements and Tai Chi probably helped as well. In Tai Chi we learned something similar to the forms I am learning now.

What this means then, is that the frailty myth isn't as prevalent within my life as I, for some reason, predicted. But then again, although I never realized it before, I have had a plurality of physical experiences/disciplines in my life that have probably prepared me for this. Strange, I never thought dance would have ever helped me in Karate. I now see where Dowling is coming from. Even the smallest amount of physical training is important to the totallity of physical strengths and smarts. However, I don't think it's merely because I've had previous physical experiences that I'm progessing well. I also believe its because I have confidence in myself and the discipline to practice. I'm not the type of person who gives up easily. I'm always very dedicated to the activities that I partake in. So, I would contribute a portion of my physical progess to my mental state as well. I can see how despite a woman's physical training, if she's not confident in her ability to learn new things or to try new things, then she won't do as well. Which leads me back to where Dowling speaks of the demeaning thought patterns women are often trapped in. Such as, "you throw like a girl." If you believe women can't throw and that this applies to you, then you won't be able to throw. The first step is believing you can do it.

My gym training is going smooth. I got a new Mp3 player for christmas, which makes running at the gym alot more entertaining! I'm not as sore this week, and I can already add more reps to my upperbody workout. I have been failing to reach to 12 reps on two exercises, but now I have no problem. I plan on moving to three sets for each upper body exercise on Friday. I had currently been doing two.

Also, I received a comment the other day that appears to be in response to my comments regarding my mother's attitude toward my Tang Soo Do experience. Just to clarify, the purpose of explicating my mother's opinion is to show how the Frailty Myth is present in her thought pattern (after all she's a few generations behind me) and to show how this may possibly effect my mentallity and attitude towards Tang Soo Do. Oh, and thanks for clarifying the spelling; however, I received my Gup Manual today and master Miller has it spelled Aph Cha Kee. But thanks for the effort! (Edited 1/18, 2005: Actually I learned shortly after this post that there is no correct way of spelling anything in Korean, as Korean does not have an alphabet)

Well, that is it for this evening. I need to jot somethings down in my Tang Soo Do journal and do some Yoga!